Good lord, how *incredibly* flippant and thoughtless of this couple, and to go around blatantly advertising what they were doing? Unbelievable. I would do as Dear Abby suggested and let the couple know that we would no longer be able to attend, and I wouldn't go. I know it's probably not the most polite road to take, but I tend to be very straightforward and I don't think I'd be able to help myself letting them know why we were declining to attend. Or at least I would have mentioned that the gift she had insulted had been from me.

do places still let you return gifts for cash? and i would have bought off the registry . . .

I think that ettiquette was thrown out the window when the discussion of gifts was brought up by the greedy couple. Obviously this is pretty appalling. If the bride and groom were both in on it then it sounds like they might deserve each other.

In the past I've been around brides who have kind of "snooped" on their gift registeries to see what people have gotten for them. Kinda like looking for Christmas presents in your parents closet when you were a kid. And just as juvenille. The friend went on to tell me that she had gotten 3 slow cookers and she would have to figure something out or return at least one. And yes, of course, I was one of the ones that had bought her a slow cooker.

This is horrific! I can completely understand why they wouldn't want to attend. I would hate to just not show up to someone's wedding after responding yes, even given the circumstances. So I would probably send a short e-mail saying that we couldn't attend and leave it at that.

L- Are you married? Obviously your friend would have to return at least one of her slow cookers! Duh! Who in their right mind would keep all three when you can graciously return it and still write at Thank You to each person who gave you a slow cooker. "Thank you for the slow cooker. I cannot wait to cook a roast in it. My new hubby and I love roast and potatoes! I just looked online and found this great slow cooker recipe for XYZ -- I enclosed a copy of it for you. Thanks again! You are very special to Joe and I. Love, Mr and Mrs Joe."

Seriously? Who really cares -- and who can blame them? Half the crap from "Dear Abby" is exaggerated to the point of inanity and underscores the inability of much of the population to know how to handle the most inconsequential situation. And now you're just feeding into it here.

I'm putting myself in the guests shoes...I just fell down in those shoes. That has to be one of the top 10 craziest things I've heard. Personally I would have been beyond furious and would have done exactly the same thing. The day after the dinner, I would have called and said we would not be coming after all.
From the brides shoes, well, she's probably attempting to return those after the wedding too. So I better not stand in them.

Hillary,
The point was how tacky it was to say something about it to her guests who very well could have given the gift to her, and did give it to her in my case. I realize that a person would have no need to have more then one slow cooker, obviously. But I also realize that when it comes to gifts people need to show some ettiquette and some graciousness. It's a GIFT.

I agree that it is tacky for the couple to talk about it, but who cares if they return the gifts for cash? Isn't registering for gifts tacky in itself? It says I expect presents and here is what you should buy me.

I agree that a gift registry is better than one of the alternatives - guests buying gifts willy nilly. But how about a new idea - just give cash! The bride and groom can then buy the gifts they want, not ones that fit into the typical, limited bridal registries.

I registered for my china and glassware at Bloomingdales because I have alot of guests coming from around the country and they have stores in most major cities. But I would much prefer to buy my china through one of the online china discounters. They carry my pattern for 30% off retail. I would much prefer the cash to buy the discounted china than have my guests buy it at full price from Bloomies. Alas, I don't think many people think along these lines.

Wow. I'm kinda surprise with the responses here.
In my country, gift registry is a foreign tradition. Modern weddings in here often put in the invitation that they prefer the guests to not give gifts or flowers, which also impying that cash is prefered.
Gift registry sure is tacky, agreeing with Lux here, and shameless, according to oriental tradition.

All newlyweds sure could use the cash to cover their wedding's expenses than the new housing items. Wedding is always cost us a lot of money.

So, rather than being greedy, I'll say the couple on that story is merely too naive to think their 'friends' could be trusted to keep a secret, and too open to the 'friends' which they thought could understand what their situation....and that they're not familiar with the term of putting the 'no gifts/flowers, cash is appreciated' note in invitation, which would surely be more fitting with what they're prefer, plus it won't give them the hassle to return the gifts.

A gift registry still poses risks for receiving duplicate items? How dangerous.

Plan a last minute trip to leave town for that day and just convey the message that you are unable to attend.

If you don't want to go to their wedding because of something they said, then you probably don't care enough for them and shouldn’t go to their special day. A gift is really an option, even if their register somewhere. The gift is not a ticket to the wedding.

If they kept the gift or the money, you still helped them. And that's what matters.

I'm getting married next year. But we already bought a condo and all the housing items we need. I don't want my friends and family wasting their time and money on a toaster or whatever, when I don't need it. However, I know they'll still want to give us something.. and I'm having a hard time telling them that instead I'd prefer money or help with our honeymoon. We'd definitely appreciate that much more then having to return their gift...

Evelyn, a friend of mine was in the same predicament as you with regards to not needing any household gifts and wanted money to go towards their honeymoon instead. They simply let their guests know that they had a registry set up at the Travel Agency they booked their honeymoon through and any monetary gifts could be given through the agency. It worked out well for them and they had a wonderful honeymoon at an all-inclusive resort on St. Lucia. Congrats on your up-coming wedding and good luck.

I have a gift etiquette question that I am not sure how to address...

My husband and I got married about six weeks ago and as I am working my way through thank you note writing and keeping an organized list, I cannot help but notice that we didn't receive gifts from several couples who attended. Do people still wait up to a year to send a gift? Do some people just not bring gifts? I am just not sure if I should send these couples a generic thank you note for coming to the event and sharing in the special day or, should I wait another month?

Thank you for your advice!

I didn't get some gifts at my wedding either, so I know how weird it feels but some people still follow the up to a year rule. Do not send a thank you note to someone who has not sent you a gift. They may surprise you and send one in the future. But unfortunately there are those who may not send you anything at all. You can get upset about it, but that won't really help so just chalk it up to the fact that they're rude and move on. If they mention something about not receiving a note, you can then mention that you didn't receive a gift.