What is etiquett for the mother of the groom how much say do I have if the mother of the bride is not in the picture as I don't want to do anything to upset the bride. She is very close to me as her mother has never been there for her. We are paying for most of the wedding and jack and jill party.I have never done a jack and jill party and would love some advice.

We are dancing to the song "Heaven Help Us" by My Chemical Romance. We thought adding a little ironic humor would get our guests giggling.

My fiancee is a DJ, our first dance will be a techno somg, Heaven by DJ Sammy! It has a fast beat but it definitely fits us through and through!

This is a response to sandra rockwood's comment:

I think you need to take the bride's lead on this. If she invites you to appointments with vendors and shopping for her dress, then go and have a great time bonding with your future daughter-in-law. You can also talk to her and offer her your assistance. Since you are "paying for most of the wedding" and a co-ed shower (jack and jill party) I'm sure the bride will want you to help her with her plans. As for the jack and jill party, it's basically a co-ed shower, so you can plan like it's a regular shower but keep in mind that guys will be present so you may want to go light on the frilliness and make the activities co-ed - Newlywed-to-be game, Bride and Groom Trivia, etc...

Good luck!

I personally preffer the more traditional first dance. A moment that a newlywed couple can share together. And I think that you should choose what makes you feel comforitable and not something that will only impress your friends and family and not you. But be your own boss and make your own decision for yourself.