Wedding Planning Tips for Brides -- from iVillage Wedding Expert Anne Chertoff
- Weddings
- From I Will to I Do
A New Bridesmaid Trend?
How much money do you think you’ve spent or will spend on bridesmaid dresses? I’ve been lucky enough to only own one traditional bridesmaid dress (see photo above). For the other 2 weddings I was in I got to wear a black dress of my choice and I wore the same one to both.
If you spend an average of $250 on a bridesmaid dress – and I know some of you are spending a lot more – and you’re in 5 weddings that’s $1250 out of your pocket. Not to mention the cost of gifts, showers, bachelorette parties and other incidentals – meals at all of those shower planning meetings. Being a bridesmaid can be very expensive.
So I was thinking. Maybe we should start a new wedding trend. What if the bride is responsible for the cost of the bridesmaid dresses? Think about it. As a bride, you’d have to pay a one-time fee to cover all of your bridesmaids’ dresses, but then you’d be off the hook for all the other weddings you are in.
For one thing, brides would probably stop picking $300+ bridesmaid dresses, and while it can be an extra $1000 to $2000 out of your wedding budget, think of the long-term savings, especially if you have a lot of sisters, cousins and girlfriends.
Now some of you may have already been a bridesmaid a number of times and already laid out over $1000 for bridesmaid dresses that you have not worn again, and probably won't wear in the future. You may not see this as a great deal for your situation and I completely understand that you may not like this idea.
So I put this idea out to all of you. Should the bride add the expense of bridesmaid dresses to her wedding budget? Do you think it would be a cost saving factor in the long run? Or do you think we shouldn’t mess with tradition?
I just got engaged and didn't know until recently that the bridesmaids paid for their own dresses -- I thought the bride did all along! (I have never been in a wedding) So, I had already planned to pay for the bridesmaid dresses. I guess I will have to see if the brides in future weddings I am in decide to do the same.
it sounds great...but not when you have 11 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls....i think 13 dresses would take a big chunk out of me :)
I'll go you one better than that--Dh has been in 14 weddings since our own wedding. Grooms generally get their tux for free, but groomsman pay for their tux and the cheapest tux he's ever been asked to rent was $120. At least bridesmaids get to keep their dress--even if they don't wear it again. (My daughter now uses all of mine to play dress up and thinks it is f.a.b.u.l.o.u.s!
I think that as long as brides keep up the tradition of paying for meals and lodging for bridesmaids and groomsmen that the old tradition of the wedding party paying for their own dresses is appropriate. if the bride and groom are not paying for the accomodations for their wedding party, this is a great substitute.
Yes, brides should pay for them!! It has always seemed odd to me (even long before I was in the industry) that brides essentially say "I'd like you to have the honor of being in my wedding and standing up with me, but oh yeah, you have to pay a considerable amount for it". On top of that, all the etiquette books tell brides to pick attendants that can afford the role. It just seems weird to me that people choose based on finances and not necessarily on who has been with them through the thick and thin in life. Okay, that was wordy. :) Great topic, Anne, lots of food for thought!
when one of my daughters married several years ago, we paid for the bridesmaids dresses and plan on continueing the tradition with my other daughter. When the groom's family found out we were paying for the bm dresses, they covered the cost of the men's tuxes too. Families of course covered the accomendation expenses as well.
Or brides could choose lower priced dresses. I chose a $75 nice black cocktail dress on clearance at Nordstrom. I didn't feel bad making the maids pay but I do feel bad now that they are all getting married and making me buy $200+ dresses! Yuck!
I agree. I am paying for my bridesmaids gowns. Why should they have to shell out for *my* wedding. And for the poster that said that would cost her too much because she had so many attendants, you could always choose less.
I agree. I am paying for my bridesmaids gowns. Why should they have to shell out for *my* wedding. And for the poster that said that would cost her too much because she had so many attendants, you could always choose less.
For my first wedding, we made the dresses, and bought all of the fabric for $200. The only thing the brides maids had to do was where white shoes.
For my second, it was a "come as you are" affair -- so my MOH, mom and I were dressed up, but the rest of the female guests were dressed casually.
Ack! Prozac moment -- it should be "wear" not "where".
I have 10 and 3 flower girls, so no. However, I chose the color black and my girls can pick any dress they'd like, so they can choose the amount they wish to spend. My co-MOH's just ordered theirs, and they were on sale for $40. Plus, they can wear any black pair of shoes they own. And what woman doesn't have at least one pair of black shoes? My friend is getting married 2 weeks before me, and the dress line she chose is pricey - but because she knows I'm strapped b/c of my own wedding, she has graciously offered to help me pay for it. I don't think brides should have to pay for the dresses, but they DO need to be reasonable when choosing them, and consider the money their girls will have to spend.
I am currently planning my wedding and my BMs are paying for their own dresses. That's how it is done where I live. Since I have been in a wedding before I know what a dress can cost and I am going to do my best to keep the cost down. We plan on getting the dresses where I bought my gown. If we do this, they will get 25% of their dress. I plan on letting them pick something that they may wear again and then they can choose how much money they want to spend. How think how brides and their families handle this, depends on many factors. There should not be one set rule. If brides keep in mind to keep the cost low, BMs should at least contribute to the cost of their dress.
In Britain it is traditional for the bride to pay for the bridesmaid dresses. Perhaps this is why we would only have 1 or 2 close friends/family members as bridesmaids rather than the 8+ that seems to happen in America!
I plan to pay for the dresses for my bridesmaids. We plan to do the same for the guys tuxes as well. Considering all the money being spent on the total wedding package, the dresses and tuxes are just another drop in the bucket and our wedding party will really appreciate the saved cost for them.
I am going to be the maid of honor in my best friends wedding and she is buying the dresses. She says "I am asking you to do a LOT of work for MY day... the least I can do is buy the dress!"