I'm sure many of you will be attending a wedding or two this summer, not including your own.  At each wedding, I want you take a serious look at all the elements: the decor and food, music and details.  Think about what you are planning for your own big day, and take (mental) notes of what you do and don't want at your wedding.

Maybe there's a song you will hear and want played at your reception.  Maybe the cake table was a little too close to the dance floor, so you decide you want yours placed behind the head table.  Or maybe there was a great signature drink and now your fiance wants to hunt down a special cocktail for your big day.

My dad joked that my sister's wedding, held three months before mine, was my dress rehearsal.  Though I laughed at his joke, I knew it was true.  I made sure that David and I paid attention to every detail.

After Torey's wedding I decided that we would not be announced by the MC for our first dance and that we would break up the toasts, so they weren't all held at the same time.

It's common to toss petals, birdseed or blow bubbles as the newlyweds leave the ceremony.  Many of you may remember that rice was originally tossed, a traditional symbol of prosperity, but since learning that rice is harmful to birds, many couples provide birdseed for guests to toss instead.

When deciding what you want your guests to toss, think about the season or theme of your wedding.  For a spring wedding have guests toss petals or flower heads with the stems cut off.  In the summertime hand out sparklers and matches.  Colorful autumn leaves are perfect for a fall ceremony, and you can make your own (paper) snowflakes for a winter wedding.

In lieu of a traditional toss, you can supply small bells for guests to ring, bubbles to blow or streamers and flags for them to wave.  Whatever you decide to use, place them in paper cones or glassine envelopes, and have them distributed to guests as they enter the ceremony site.

From all the weddings you’ve been to you’ve probably seen dozens of wedding guests snapping photos with their digital cameras.  I’ve even written about it in past posts.  Once everyone emails you their photos you’ll probably have a huge folder on your desktop filled with wedding pics.  (And I’m not even talking about engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party and rehearsal dinner pics.)

While your first instinct will probably be to share these photos with friends and family, before you open up your email account, attach a lot of large attachments and click send, there’s a better way for you to share your photos, without clogging their in-boxes. 

Flash Drives can hold hundreds of your photos and you can easily carry it with you to mom and dads, your sister’s or friend’s house.  Slip the drive into their USB port and in a few seconds all of your wedding photos will be downloaded onto their computer.

Now, where to get a flash drive.  I like SanDisk’s Cruzer, available in 3 sizes – 2GB ($24.99), 4GB($39.99) and 8GB($79.99).  I have to admit, the reason I love them is really the case it comes in – black, red or pink “alligator” skin.

And once you’ve finished sharing your wedding pics, you can use it for anything else you need to share.  Bring files to meetings, put a presentation on it, etc.

I found the three flash drives I mentioned above at a discounted rate on TigertDirect.com.

Can you imagine what planning your wedding would be like without the Internet?  I was married 5 years ago, and the sites, blogs and tools available today were not even around in 2003.  One of my favorite wedding bloggers Christa Terry (author of Manolo for the Brides) just wrote an amazing wedding planning book filled with all of the Web sites you need to know about while planning your wedding.  iDo: Planning Your Wedding with Nothing But 'Net hits stores this month and is filled with hundreds of tips and wedding-related Web sites that will make planning easier, and even save you some money!

I asked Christa to send me five of her favorite wedding-related Web sites, and here they are:  

When you first get engaged, check out WeddingWire.com

Just getting started? Forget the phone book, put away the pen and paper, and tell your mom to stop pressuring you to hire her coworker's son's girlfriend to do the flowers because you'll be shopping around for florists—and doing just about everything else—from the comfort of your desk chair, thank you very much. Go to Wedding Wire to get the lowdown on local vendors from appreciative, ambivalent, and angry reviews written by former brides instead of relying on tired professional pitches. Then, when you're ready, hit up the site to build a slick custom timeline, fashion the perfect seating chart, and choose the ultimate first dance song.

When you’re shopping for your wedding dress, visit BrideCouture.com

For brides-to-be with champagne dreams and Bud Light budgets, dress shopping can be a mix of exhilaration and heartbreak. Salon shopping can make a gal feel like a princess, until the price tags remind her that's she actually a pauper. There are some great deals out there, particularly if you're willing to travel to a major metropolis, camp out in front of Filenes, and run with the brides, but who has the time? Leave the stampede to the fiancées who don't have better things to do, and buy online. You want to talk about a great deal? How does a size-12 Atelier Aimee gown for $599 sound?

For wedding inspiration, visit the Offbeat Bride Web site

It's so easy to fall into the "I'll send ecru invitations, wear a white gown, and carry red roses" rut when you're planning a wedding because those are the sorts of products the WIC peddles. Inspiration and support are a lot harder to find when you want to wear a smokin' hot purple gown, you and your sweetheart are vegans, and you think carrying flowers is a stupid idea. Brides-to-be who prefer not to run with the pack can check out the "wedding porn" at this primo blog and chill with their own kind on the accompanying forum.   

For creative favors and details, check out Save-On-Crafts.com

Your average nuptial accoutrements are manufactured en masse in Asian factories, which means you can buy the same fifty favors and decorative accents in just about every online wedding shop...only the price points differ. If you want to plan an affair that's anything but average—plus you know for a fact that you're a very patient person—you can't beat DIY, and DIY gets a hell of a lot easier when you have a one-stop source for everything from tulle tying basics to plantable petal cones.

Just for the fun of it, visit EtiquetteHell.com

You pretty much have to embrace your sense of humor if you want to survive the stress of planning a wedding. Besides the fact that you're probably putting the whole shebang together while working, socializing, and getting those fifteen facials every bridal mag recommends, weddings tend to bring out the worst in people. When bridesmaids turn into bitchmaids and dad throws a fit because you want to aisle-walk solo, knowing you can head over to Etiquette Hell and read stories way more horrific than your own makes staying cool that much easier.

You can find Christa's book in bookstores now, or click here to order it online. 

As promised, here are the rest of Marcy Blum’s wedding planning tips and trends:

Eco-Chic: It is now mainstream to be conscious of your carbon footprint in all aspects of your life and certainly for one’s wedding.  Whether it is using recyclable papers and soy inks or serving an organic “100 mile menu" - it’s definitely de rigueur to think green.

Nonchalant Themes:  Lightly thematic or playful  elements-such as asking your friends to wear “glamorous” attire rather than just black tie or suggesting a favorite color (Beyonce asked her guests to wear white)

Destination Weddings in the US:  The Breakers in Palm Beach, Nantucket and Aspen are all fabulous places where the dollar is the currency and travel won’t break the bank.

Smaller Bridal Party: Fewer wedding attendants  or just kids as attendants (obviously goes with the smaller wedding trend) but as brides and grooms are a few years older and have so many friends it’s harder and they are opting for just siblings rather than 12 attendants each.

Moveable Feasts:  Walk around dinner parties are back in! More food - both passed and stationary, great music and passed cocktails - no seating!!

To learn more about Marcy, and get inspired by the weddings she has planned, visit her Web site, MarcyBlum.com.

I got an email a few weeks ago from one of my favorite wedding planners, Marcy Blum.  I first met Marcy when I was getting my makeup trial at the Laura Geller Salon on Lexington, and I run into her every now and then at wedding events.  You’ve probably got a copy of her book, Weddings for Dummies, or have read her wedding tips in a bridal publication.  I think she was most recently featured in InStyle Weddings.

I asked Marcy to send me the latest trends and top tips for planning a wedding.  Here’s what she had to say:

Smaller and more elegant weddings: Many couples who are looking to have an elaborate and highly detailed wedding have attained it by cutting the guest list and spending their time and money lavishing attention on fewer guests.  Smaller weddings enable one to serve better wines (perhaps changing with each course), multi-course meals with more interesting foods and even allow for personal notes to each guest with their parting gifts (a chore some of my brides and groom have taken on that is well worth the labor).

Multi-Day Celebrations: Even weddings that take place in one’s home city usually have a rehearsal event for many if not all the guests, the wedding and then a brunch the next day.

Some surprise for the guests: Be it fireworks, a change of venue after dinner for dancing or a special performance.

Sleeker, less frou-frou wedding dresses: While many brides are opting to change for the later part of the evening, many designers are showing dresses that can “convert” into minis via Velcro or ones that have detachable trains

Lifestory Videography: More couples are opting for videos that start by interviewing the couple and perhaps friends before their wedding and then include the wedding and perhaps even include footage from the honeymoon to make the piece more about the couple’s lives rather than just a wedding video.

Tomorrow I’ll post Marcy’s five remaining tips/trends.  To learn more about Marcy, and get inspired by the weddings she has planned, visit her Web site, MarcyBlum.com.

Speaking of staying warm.  What is a bride to do if there is a chill in the air or the air conditioning is up a bit too high?  It might be a good idea to buy a wrap that compliments your dress.  If the salon you bought your dress at doesn’t have a wrap/stole to your liking you can find a pashmina or cashmere wrap at a variety of retailers, and in a rainbow of colors.

The wrap featured here (for this post) is appropriately labeled, The Wedding Wrap and is available in white, black, pale pink and cherub at WhiteandWarren.com.  This simple and elegant wrap can be worn well after the wedding.  Take it on your honeymoon, or grab it when you’re running out the door for an evening out. 

Since I saw a preview of

But if you did get to see Made of Honor this weekend (this is not a spoiler, so feel free to keep reading) you know that the bride is engaged to a Scottish gentleman, and they decide to get married in Scotland.

The couple chooses a variety of Scottish traditions to include in the wedding festivities: a pre-wedding sporting event, the menu, attire and music. Whether you’re getting married in a foreign country or not, you may want to include cultural traditions in your wedding.  These traditions can come from your family, the groom’s family, or just pick a tradition you like and make it your “something borrowed.”

I love the idea of having music represent a family’s heritage/culture.  From klezmer bands during the cocktail hour to bagpipes at the ceremony, there are a myriad of options available.

At a Scotland Tourism event I attended last month I had the privilege of trying two Scottish cocktails – which I’ll write about tomorrow – and also hearing an amazing Scottish band: Red Hot Chilli Pipers.  That’s right bagpipers. 

While traditional bagpipers in kilts are not an unfamiliar site at Scottish weddings in the US, this new take on a familiar cultural tradition will definitely add a unique element to your wedding. 

And no, I’m not suggesting that you only have bagpipers for your reception music.  Research local bands in your area and hire a cultural band for your cocktail hour or for part of your reception.  Unfortunately, the Red Hot Chilli Pipers are based in Scotland, but maybe you could email them and ask them if they can recommend a band with a similar sound in the States.  Please let us know if you know of a great cultural band, I'm sure other brides would be interested in the information.

Have you heard about the new Patrick Dempsey movie, Made of Honor?  It starts next Friday, May 2nd, and I'll write a review of the film that afternoon.  Anyway, one lucky couple won a free wedding, which will take place on the red carpet - they're actually having a pink one - before the premiere.  I had a chance to get some great planning tips from the vendors supplying the details for this lucky couple.  Here they are:

Hair Advice from OSCAR BLANDI:

1.  For preparation, bring photographs of your dress, any hair piece you will be putting in your hair and photos of what you are looking for.  The hairdresser can work with you to find the style that works best for you and your dress.

2.  Get hair cut at least two weeks early for any up-coming fix or trim for the wedding day.

3.  Don't wash your hair the wedding day, but rather one day early. Let the hairdresser work with your hair for long-lasting style. If you wash your hair the same day, the hair stylist will put a lot of products to let the hair stay and that can create too much build-up which may make your hair static or frizzy.

Cake Advice from SYLVIA WEINSTOCK:

1. Always use a reputable baker, board of health approved, with a good track record for professionalism. 

2. Ask for a tasting and design session. Be sure you get what you like. Be aware that some guests will have food allergies (i.e. nuts and nut products).

3. Bring with you some ideas that you want incorporated in the design of your cake (i.e. colors, floral species, pictures of your gown, architectural elements, etc.).

4. Be aware of weather, refrigeration, air conditioning, and make sure you have a sturdy table for the cake.

Makeup Advice from DAVID EVANGELISTA:

1.  The bride should ALWAYS go for a hair and make-up trial so that she feels confident as she walks down the aisle.  No bride wants any surprises on her wedding day!

2.  If either the bride or groom is going to use tanning cream or get a spray tan, be sure to do it at least 2 days prior to the wedding just in case the color is off or uneven, allowing time to do a quick fix.

3.  When deciding on an overall look, come armed to your stylist and colorist with photos of the dress, hair accessories/veil and any jewelry so the hair and makeup can complete the look.

4.  Consider buying the basic makeup items your makeup artist used (press powder, lipstick/gloss, blush) so you have the right tools for touch-ups.

Wedding Dress Advice from Designer SELIA YANG:

1. Be open minded when picking your dream dress, but don’t loose yourself in it. Remember you are the star, but not starring in a pageant.

2. Don’t be shy; make sure you are completely happy and satisfied with your dress before you pick it up.  

3. Walk around the house in your wedding shoes for at least an hour to test drive them; it’s hard to enjoy yourself when you are in a lot of pain.  Also, you may want to have a pair of flats on hand just in case.

4. Pick a wedding dress that not only flatters you but also, compliments the season and your location.  A big, heavy and puffy, satin dress in the month of July will make you miserable and impossible to feel beautiful. 

5. Make sure you have an emergency kit handy, such as a light sewing kit, bandage kit, double sided sticky tape, scissors, etc.

You can watch this real wedding, which will be officiated by Mary Hart, live on Crackle.com.  I’m planning on being there, so I’ll take pictures and post them next week!

One of your first tasks as a bride is to find the perfect location, which will help set the tone for your wedding.  When you start searching for your ceremony and reception site keep a few things in mind:

• Your guest list.  You don’t need the final list, but you should have a rough estimate.
• Your budget.  Having an idea of what your wedding budget is before you go looking will ensure that you’ll find a location you can afford.  You don’t want to fall in love with a space that’s over $250 a head, if your budget will only allow $75 a head. 
• Your wedding’s look and feel.  Do you want to get married outdoors?  At home?  In a church?  By knowing what you want, you’ll be able to narrow down the spaces you schedule appointments at, and won’t waste time looking at spaces you’ll never book.

I originally wanted to get married at my grandparent’s home, where my parents were married.  Unfortunately, the space wasn’t big enough to accommodate all of our guests, and my grandmother refused to cut down a large tree in the middle of the yard.  (We ended up having the rehearsal dinner, a BBQ, in the yard.)  When we went searching for locations, I insisted that we find a site that had some outdoor space.  In one weekend, we visited a dozen spaces - country clubs, mansions you can rent, hotels - and of course at the last space we went to was the perfect spot:  a synagogue with a beautiful ballroom (in our color palette, pastels) and a small garden in the middle of the building for photos and cocktail hour.  Needless to say, it was a rainy day in June, and while we did get to take some photos outside, we didn’t get to use the garden. 

Anyway, the lesson is: if you are looking for an outdoor space for your wedding, make sure you have a rain plan - either a facility on the property where you can hold your ceremony and/or reception if it’s raining, or reserve some tents and a few days before the wedding have them installed so you’re covered, literally, in case the weatherman predicts rain.

For the rest of this week, I thought I’d highlight some unique locations you may want to consider for your wedding, so I may post more than once a day if I come across some other interesting tips and products.  And if you know of a great space for a wedding, please post a comment with a link to it for other brides to see.

There was a comment recently posted on an older post, asking what percentage of invitees you should expect to accept your invitation.  I thought it was a great question/answer to share with all of you.

The general rule of thumb is that you can expect 10% of the guests you invite to your wedding to decline your invitation.  But that does not mean you can invite 10% more people then the space allows, or you can afford.  You never know, your wedding might be the one everyone wants to go to.

I went to a destination wedding last year and there were over 200 people there.  The bride and groom invited all of their freinds and family, and assumed that maybe 100 people would make the trip to Barbados for their Mother's Day weekend wedding.  Everything worked out just fine, but the final cost of the wedding ended up being twice as much as they anticipated.

If you do have many more people on your guest list than the space or your budget allows, you can create two guest lists: an A list and a B list.  The A list includes your immediate family, closest friends and anyone else you MUST have at your wedding.  The B list includes the relatives and friends you would love to have with you but can't invite because the space is limited, or your budget is.

If you have a rather long B list, send your A list guests invites about 10 weeks before the wedding, so as you start receiving acceptances and regrets, you can mail out an invite to a B list guest.  Since wedding invites are traditionally mailed at the 6-8 weeks to go mark, your B list guests won't feel as if they were an after thought. 

And one more thing, never tell anyone they were on the B List.

You are probably well aware of the mishaps that can happen on your wedding day:  a broken or chipped nail, torn stockings, bad breath, a loose button.  All of these things are not such a big deal on any random day, but on your wedding day you may tend to freak out if everything's not perfect.  And I'm not saying there's something wrong with a wedding day freak out.

To help ease the stress, plan to have a wedding day emergency kit with you.  Since many brides save creating their kits for the week before the wedding, it's also one of the items that never gets done.  So do yourself a favor and buy a pre-packaged emergency kit so you won't stress out too much if a minor mishap happens.

The two kits featured here are by Ms. & Mrs.  The Wedding Day Survival Kit ($49), featured above, contains 30 items in a reusable case.  The second kit (below) for $25 has 25 essential items, and compact enough that you can easily tote it around with you from ceremony to reception.

The company also makes kits for the groom and your bridesmaids, and is a good idea to get in case your groom loses a button or a bridesmaid need to restitch the hem of her dress.

For some reason the most popular question on the Ask the Wedding Planning Expert message board is:  How do I let guests know that we really want cash gifts?  Can I put it on the invitation?  Can I just tell people?

And the answer is no.  Sorry. 

Almost every bride and groom would prefer cash (or a check) over a more traditional wedding gift.  Now while you can't go around telling your guests to write you a check, you can let your parents and siblings - who interact with guests - imply that you'd prefer money over an item off your registry by saying something like, you and your groom are trying to save up to buy a house.  They cannot tell your guests that while you are registered at Crate & Barrel, you really want/prefer cash.

And don't not register in hopes that your guests will take a hint.  If your registry list is empty, they'll probably buy something they think you'll like from another store.  And 9 times out of 10 you won't like it and worst of all, you won't be able to return it.

I was talking with a colleague Friday morning and she told me that her best friend just got engaged, and she was going to be the maid-of-honor.  Then she told me that she was getting really anxious and nervous because so  much had to get done.  And when I told her not to stress because the shower and bachelorette party wouldn’t take place for months, she implied that she is going to be helping the bride with every detail of the wedding, and that the bride is not that into it.

If you saw the movie 27 Dresses, the main character, Jane, is a bridesmaid or MOH in 27 weddings.  At each one, including her sister’s, she is acting more like a wedding planner and not a bridesmaid or MOH.

So let me just say this.  Your bridesmaids and MOH should not be your wedding planner – unless of course that’s what she does for a living and has offered to work with you as your wedding planner.

It is NOT fair for you to expect your ‘maids to schedule appointments with vendors for you or do any research for you, unless they offer.  Of course you can bring them with you dress shopping and to met with a vendor, but they are NOT your private army of wedding planners. 

Here’s a list of the main bridesmaid and maid-of-honor responsibilities:

• Plan and host the bridal shower and bachelorette party
• Shop for and buy the bridesmaid dress and accessories the bride selects without complaining
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
• If the bride asks – help with wrapping favors, binding programs, stuffing invitation envelopes, etc...
• Show up on time on the wedding day with a positive attitude
• Help the bride get ready
• Walk down the aisle without complaining about the order or who she is paired with
• Take part in the ceremony if the bride asks
• Dance and have a great time at the reception